Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
