i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
