i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize