I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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