im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
