We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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