I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
