duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I just shit out all my problems.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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