I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
