I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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