I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh god it's open bar.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
