I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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