I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
