I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
