The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
