can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
