This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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