Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
