If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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