Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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