just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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