Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
