her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
FUCK WHALES
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
