hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
