Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
