so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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