either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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