Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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