I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
