fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
