no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
