I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
