if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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