I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
did i just pee glitter
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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