1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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