Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
