I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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