Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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