I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
