Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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