I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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