I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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