I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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