I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
