I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
