Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
