i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
