i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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