my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
