I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
