you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
