Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
