ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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