Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
