please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
