boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
