you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
