What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
