Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Text me some of your sweat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
