The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
