I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
...so i touched it.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
