Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
