In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
