I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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