We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize