the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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