hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
