My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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