He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
