He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
