smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
