i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
