OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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