I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
