All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
