Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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